


Those Flowers

by hakkinaki



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, High School, High School AU, M/M, Pain, Self-Harm, Suffering, Triggers, focused on orangebat, hanahaki, no technical relationships, suffering of children, warning self-harm !!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-08-14 09:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8007247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hakkinaki/pseuds/hakkinaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inaho has found a new emotion, one he didn't understand before. It's not like what he sees in movies or hears or reads in stories and books. In fact, it's so painful, and the flowers seem to make everything about his life worse. Love was horrible, but he refused to give up the feeling. So what was he to do now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Petals All Around

_Nothing made sense. Absolutely nothing._

Being perfectly healthy, yet always finding those god damn petals and the flowers, every morning, every evening, and sometimes even between. The struggle to breathe, the struggle to think, feeling so dizzy, so.. nervous, and the disgusting feeling in his stomach like he was about to vomit, even having to actually vomit sometimes.

It wasn't right. This couldn't be normal. There wasn't a logical solution. It was a puzzle with too many missing pieces, and it frustrated the brunette. It even terrified him.

His chest ached and his throat burned, every inch of his body still trying to calm itself from the sick feeling that still lingered in his stomach, every breath and raise of his chest only seemed to cause more pain to shoot through his whole upper body. Staring down at his shaking hands, red eyes slightly teary as the orangey-pink petals and even a bit of blood was scattered across the tile floor, one whole flower gently resting between the palms of his hands, crimson blood splattered just across the soft, mucus covered petals of the single daisy. Through the sticky feeling in the back of his throat and in his mouth, he forced an utter of a single word, his voice coming out as nothing but a raspy whisper...

_"B..bat..."_


	2. Distractions

That pale blonde hair, the soft fair skin, shiny blue eyes, gentle and soft lips.. He couldn't tear his amber red eyes away from the boy across the room. The way he seemed to focus on what was important, dropping his head down so those teal blue eyes met lined paper and the blue plastic mechanical pencil in his hand scratched on the thin sheets to write down notes on the lesson. He was relatively calm, almost relaxed and so intent on what the teacher was saying.. He almost wished that the ashen blonde would listen to him in the same way.

Twirling the pencil in his right hand, his left hand held his head up, chin in the palm and elbow resting on the desk. He unconsciously bit his lip, pausing on the twirling of his pencil to hold the thin stick in curled fingers, pressing his thumb against the side, adding pressure to the somewhat fragile writing tool. A moment passed as he noticed the blue eyes turn and stare back at him, brows furrowed slightly, and--

_**"Kaizuka!"** _

A snap of the pencil in hand and a jolt up from the desk, thud of his knee against the desk edge and the slam of his left hand on the surface of his desk seemed to ensure that he snapped out of his never ending daze, amber red orbs snapping back at the teacher at the front- no, /right in/ front of him, turning his eyes up to meet those dark grey eyes of the older woman, narrowed and scolding him. Oh god, he messed up.

"I-I..." What was he supposed to say? Surely this wasn't the first time this happened recently, but this still was unusual of him. It was horrible for him to get in trouble, and the feeling was still foreign.

"Is there something wrong, Kaizuka?" A suspicious eyebrow raised and he could feel himself growing weary of of the superior woman right next to his desk. He did the first thing that came to mind, nodding slightly as the hand on his desk clenched into a fist.

"I'm sorry, I just haven't been feeling well lately," The excuse wasn't exactly a lie; the morning filled with the petals and the pain, he never felt quite alright anymore. Bowing his head, he closed his eyes, letting out a silent sigh before daring to speak again. "Please forgive me, it's just a little hard to focus." It was pathetic how he relied on an excuse now, when he was so strong and independent only months ago. Only months ago, he was the top kid in the class, already knowing the answer a week before the question was even asked, focused and intent on making sure he was correct one-hundred percent of the time. Everything about him seemed to change, every since he met the blonde named Slaine Troyard.

"If you can't focus because you aren't feeling well, you could have just asked to leave to the nurse's office," She sighed, running her fingers through her medium length dirty blonde hair.

Inaho lifted his head again and looked up at the older woman, the nails on his left hand digging into his palm deeper with every lie, excuse, statement and question, even glance and gaze with the teacher. "Yes, I apologize," He muttered, fighting himself to keep his eyes up at the teacher and avoiding to look down. "But may I head down right now?" Of course he would ask so. It was the only thing he could think to do to avoid any more attention on himself. He needed to stop thinking, before he got himself into any more trouble.

"Fine," Another sigh was audible in her single word. Watching as she turned around, the brunette started grabbing his notebook closing it before he leaned down to grab the bag at his feet underneath the desk, but of course, he paused with a specific name that rang in his ears.

_"Troyard,"_

Inaho started feeling sick, for real now. The flutter in his stomach disgusted him, but in a strangely pleasant way. The way his heart sped up with the single word, he couldn't help but stop in place, fingers barely brushing the handle on his school bag. With a thick and dry swallow, the brunette finally grasped onto the handle, moving to stand up and shoving his notebook under his arm, while the broken pencil with the orange fruit eraser on the end of it still rested on the surface of his desk.

He could see the slightly taller male move to stand in the corner of his eye, biting the inside of his cheek as that sickening feeling in his stomach grew and his chest started to feel tighter. The grasp on his bag became tight enough that his knuckles began turning white, and he turned his head so his red eyes looked right at the other male who was already moving to the door close to the back of the room. A short weave around the desk behind him and a few steps towards the door and he met the class nurse aid right at the door, being quick to push open the door and walk out.

He didn't dare say anything. Through his expressionless eyes, he only looked forward, not even daring to look at those teal blue eyes or that fluffy and somewhat messy ashen grey hair. Yet he felt those aquamarine eyes staring at him, irritated with his eyebrows furrowed and the frown on his face making the scowl with the silent hatred. The attention enough was rather satisfying. Just to have those specific pair of eyes on him, whether it was a heavy glare or simple glance, it felt nice to know he had Slaine's attention.

It was silent between the two of them, only the sound of their footsteps through the halls filling in anything they could bother to say or conversation they could be having, but this was enough for Inaho. Being near and close to Slaine was plenty as it was.

The neutral and calm expression was the same as always, never showing the excitement he felt everytime he was near the male who was only six centimeters taller, or when he felt the aquamarine eyes on him, or even when he heard the simple mention of his name, or when the image of the other male even popped in his mind.

It wasn't normal. It couldn't be. Inaho didn't understand it; he never did. When he saw the romance movies with Yuki, or when somebody talked about liking someone, he always had the simple solutions to their 'complicated' problem. But now was completely different. He had become a complete hypocrite, yet at the same time, he still didn't completely understand. He still didn't see a point or need, which only caused more frustration. But it was fine; everything was fine when he had the aquamarine eyes on him, even if those eyes were filled with hatred.

A turn of the corner and only a few steps down, they had reached the nurse's office. Inaho turned his whole body, finally looking at Slaine with his amber red eyes, some strands of his brunette hair falling in front of his eyes, as he caught the other male turning around, only catching the sight of his pale blonde hair.

"Hey, Bat?" Inaho said in hopes of grabbing the taller male's attention again. It worked, seeing as those teal blue eyes were looking back at him less than a second later. The eyes showed no clear interest, but at least it wasn't a gaze that showed anger and hate. It was obvious that he just wanted to get the conversation over and leave to get back to class. "Thank you for walking down with me," And those blue eyes narrowed again, an audible scoff echoing quietly through the halls and before he knew it, the teal blue eyes looked away again.

"Yeah," Slaine muttered. "Whatever, no problem," No care or anything in his words, but the sound of footsteps that walked in filled the emotionless tone.

And he felt his chest ache.


	3. Lies

_"Inaho!"_

The said brunette blinked, pausing with his conversation with a shorter, ravenette and pink eye girl and turned his amber red eyes to look at the longer bright blonde hair. Then arms were wrapped around him, the movement of the other girl throwing herself on caused him push back against the desk. He moved a hand behind himself to rest his palm on the surface to keep him upright. Barely a second passed before his amber red eyes looked back at the female and met the green eyes that belonged to her, soon feeling her hands cup his cheeks and pull his head down a bit to meet her gaze and height.

"Are you alright?" He was asked, "Slaine had said you weren't feeling well,"

Inaho's heart fluttered. Slaine really cared about him? Through all the name calling and the not-quite-indirected anger, the ashen blonde really cared?

"Yeah, I'm fine, Seylum-san," Inaho moved a hand to gently pat the top of the girl's head, almost awkwardly, with a tense hand and stiff fingers, yet the contact was still gentle enough to to show he cared about the girl in some sort of way. "You don't need to worry about me," That was all he could say. Asseylum wasn't any problem, there wasn't much either of them could do, and it wouldn't kill him; at least he hoped it wouldn't.

"Are you sure?" Her eyes still showed concern, and her hands didn't move or let go, which still left Inaho leaning forward and red eyes staring at green eyes staring right back. "I can get you anything you need. Food, medicine, supplies; anything to help you out and feel better,"

"It's alright," Inaho shook his head slightly in cupped cheeks, moving hands to grab the soft and more petite hands and pull them away from his face. "I don't need anything," He had everything he needed already; a roof over his head, an older sister to take care of and to help keep himself in check, food in the fridge and cupboards, and some medicines for simple headaches, colds and flus, et cetera. Nothing fancy but it was something and it was enough. "But thank you,"

"Are you really sure, Inaho?" Inko cut in. Turning his red eyes to the dark haired girl, he met concerned and worried pink eyes, almost matching the green eyes of the popular blonde. Inaho only gave a nod and a hum of a 'yes' as he started to feel himself tense up. Now there were two girls currently questioning the brunette, and normally he had every answer for sure at all times, but now, he was couldn't be completely sure of anything, especially himself and his emotions.

"Alright," All Inko could do was nod as she gave the male the benefit of the doubt, and the same went for Asseylum, even though it was obvious they were still concerned.

But they were friends. They still cared. It was normal.


	4. Only So Much

"Your grades are starting to drop, Nao," Yuki muttered, sliding a single sheet of paper across the table's surface to the brunette boy across from her. Inaho's amber red eyes turned up from his bowl of oyakodon to the pale white paper, black markings staining the page and eyes scanned over those marks to read over the words and numbers the marks made.

Straight A grades, one-hundred percent grades had fallen down to A- and B+ averages. Yes, they were still passing, but it wasn't what Inaho was used to seeing. It wasn't Inaho. He still had the smarts, the skills, and he was intelligent and hard working, but this wasn't right. Eventually his amber eyes lifted up, past the bowl to look over at his older sister's hazel eyes, expression the same neutral and calm look he normal had. Any emotion hidden and disguised behind his calm and neutral expression he normally carried, hidden to the normal human eye.. but the way he set his chopsticks down on the table mat beside his bowl and placement of his hands down to his lap was plenty to show how he felt to Yuki.

A breaking machine. That's all he was now. He was able to calculate an advanced equation in seconds and solve it correctly, even explaining in clear depth on how he solved the problem, but clearly something was wrong. He was growing slow and becoming more distracted. His whole body would malfunction and it was almost as if a bug or virus was enveloping his every move and spoken word, and causing everything to fail.. but it was slow, almost painful. Only the flowers could truly show the breaking parts inside his brain, even his heart.

Yuki's face nearly matched Inaho, but it was a bit more stern and more serious, which was unusual for her usually carefree lifestyle and personality. There was only silence between them, staring at each other for nearly a minute before Inaho broke the gaze and pushed his seat back to stand up.

"I'm not hungry," He muttered, breaking the silence between them, although it only fell back and there wasn't anything else to bring a conversation back in as he turned on his heel to leave. He didn't even see the frown appear on his older sibling's face, or her eyes soften in some sort of pity; it wasn't like he needed to see it anyway. The only thing that could fill the silence was his faint footsteps as he walked out to his room.

His life was being taken over. It was being taken over by a single feeling he didn't understand. He was being taken over. With his personal life slowly breaking into school life and starting to rip apart his social life from the ruins of what it already was to begin with as he already struggled with communication with others. He was being taken over, his own mind and body, and he couldn't stop it. He didn't even know how.

Yuki could only see so much. She could only see the suffering, emotional and physical as those damn flowers appeared. She could only see the confusion on why he felt the way he did and the fear of what might happen and what was happening. She could see the growing loneliness, despite having made many friends and being surrounded and supported by Calm, Inko, Nina, Rayet, and even Asseylum. She could even see the malfunctioning, the problems, but not the virus taking over his thoughts and preventing him from doing anything. She didn't know about the problems being created and what he couldn't solve. She could only see the surface of it all.

Inaho made sure to leave the door open, just a crack and letting a single stream of light roll into the darkening room. He strolled over to the desk, a couple of folders stacked in one pile with a small stack of papers on top and set aside to the left, his laptop and phone just beside it and a little farther from the edge of the desk surface. Reaching over, he grabbed his phone laying face down on top of the other electronic, turning it over in his palm and quickly pressing the power button to make the screen light up, barely illuminating the room a bit more to where shapes and colors of the items and furniture were more visible under the blue tinted light.

A single notification, a small envelope icon beside a couple words above the lock on his lock screen, brighter than the rest of the screen.

 

 

_**"1 new message!"** _


	5. Wrong

"You are such an ass, Orange!" The ashen blonde was quick to say, aquamarine eyes narrowing as he stared at those calm amber red eyes as they looked up from a phone held in his hand. Eyebrows were furrowed and knit together, teeth clenched with ever growing irritation towards the expressionless boy.

"Oh really?" Inaho blinked, staring right back at those beautiful teal blue colored eyes. Of course, his tone was questioning, although it wasn't the first time he was called an ass, dick, idiot, et cetera; however, each time held a different reason.

"The least you could have done was listen to Asseylum!" Slaine scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. The way Inaho had obliviously lifted his head only seconds before, looking back at him so calmly without showing any clear emotion, and even the way he spoke so matter-of-factly so often pissed him off. The way he had held his phone and the way he seemed so ignorant moments before, more interested in whatever was on his screen rather than what the popular bright blonde was saying before she left; it only irritated him.

"But I was listening," Inaho said, "I just have to go shopping today and I was looking at prices and discounts," He lifted up the phone in his hand, pointing to the screen with the opposite hand, showing a picture of a dozen eggs, a large red star taking up the top left corner, white words in it reading "sale!" in all capital letters. "The market just down a couple blocks east of the school is closing and having a half off clearance sale,"

"Nobody cares about half-off eggs, Orange!"

"But eggs can be an important part of any meal," The brunette couldn't help but point out, lowering his phone and looking down at the screen for a moment, scrolling down on the page a bit. "Even if chicken can cause food-borne illness, like salmonella, if you cook it thoroughly and at the right heat, it can kill off any of the bad bacteria and leaves all the proteins that are good for your health and can help you grow strong. Saying you don't care about eggs, especially when they're at a good price, is like saying you don't care about your health, which is rather selfish considering there are people who care about you." Inaho then clicked off his phone, shoving it in his pocket.

"That is not what I meant!" Slaine threw his arms down to his sides, hands clenched into fists, knuckles turning white on his already pale hands. His annoyance and anger was obvious, his hatred for Inaho clear, but even if it was negative attention, it was still attention.

If Slaine was someone he didn't care so much about, then he wouldn't bother sticking around him or even bother looking back up again to look at the teal blue eyes again. Slaine was Slaine, and Slaine was everything; his distraction. With the attention, the aquamarine eyes on him, he felt his heart beat faster and he craved for more. However, he could only wonder what the positive attention from Slaine felt like. He could only wonder if it felt the same as positive attention from Yuki, or the positive attention from any other friend, or even if it felt worse or better than anything at all.

All he knew was what loving him felt like; unrequited, one-sided, painful love, but it was love. It wasn't platonic love, but actual, real, sincere love.

"Then what did you mean?" Inaho asked, tilting his head slightly.

"I mean, chicken fetus had nothing to do with what Asseylum was saying," Slaine's tone deadpanned, but still held some sort of irritation, which was shown in his expression. "And it's rude not to pay attention to someone when they're speaking to you."

"But I was paying attention,"

"No, you were not."

"I was. Seylum was talking about the weather today and how beautiful the sky was. She also pointed out how the blue contrasted with the pink of the cherry blossoms on the sakura trees out in the school yard and all around."

"Well just act like you care!"

"What if I don't care?"

"Still act like so, and don't use your phone in the middle of a conversation unless it is absolutely important,"

"Buying food and groceries to eat dinner tonight is important,"

"That is part of your personal life! Try focusing on your social life for once, will you?"

"Why do you care about a conversation between Seylum and me, anyway?"

"Why do you care about hanging around and Asseylum and me, anyway?"

Now that was a question that brought more thought.

Why _did_ he hang around Asseylum and Slaine? He didn't have too much interest in Asseylum, even if he included her to be his friend. He could listen to her, talk and have short chats with her. He would protect her but that was because she was a friend; to Slaine, to himself, and even to Nina, Calm, Inko, and many more. Asseylum was loved by many, and that's why she was so popular in the school. But why did he hang around her so much?

He had other friends. Inko was an old friend, and so was Calm, and Nina, even Yuki, and Rayet too. Why was Asseylum so special?

Well, it wasn't even Asseylum. It was the ashen blonde that hung around the brighter blonde.

Even with the constant arguments, the constant irritation and hate towards the brunette, he still wanted to be around the other male. He wanted to be the only person he talked to. _He just wanted Slaine's attention._

"Because you're my friends," And that was as much of the truth as Inaho would give and dared to reveal. He didn't dare mention the flowers and the petals, or the cause of the appearance. He didn't dare bring up his broken mind and malfunctioning heart, or even the way he was falling apart. He didn't dare bring up anything he didn't have to. He couldn't if he really tried to though; he didn't know how.

"I am not your friend," The taller male spat cold and harsh, "I am not _anything_ to you."

But Slaine was wrong, so wrong. Slaine may or may not have been a friend, but he was the only thing Inaho could think of. Slaine was the one thing he wished for and it seemed as the flowers he saw every day kept him from ever having the boy with the teal blue eyes.

" _You are just an annoyance to me_ ,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya'll thought i was gonna reveal the message   
> but nah,, i'm not that kind of writer  
> but there may be a little hint somewhere along the way. just depends on how i feel but for now there's another chapter in my busy life   
> enjoy!


	6. Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna quickly apologize for not updating for a while   
> i had a minor case of writers block + school was a thing + plus i'm lazy and have no motivation and all that jazz   
> so here is a quick chapter i whipped up and hope works well enough for your guys' enjoyment !!

Steam from warm and hot water gave a gentle fog through the room, streams of water falling from the shower head and onto the brunette, soaking his hair and running down from his shoulders and to his toes. His skin was a red colour, from the heat that nearly burned his skin, and his burgundy red eyes stared down at the ground beneath his feet, lost in his thoughts and lost in his mind, and even... 

 

Lost in the flowers that swarmed around his beating heart and damaged his trapped mind, giving him such beautifully painful emotions he just couldn't express. It was as if those orange-petaled daisies were roses, with the thickest and sharped thorns that pricked his lungs, scraped his ribs, rips into his stomach and stuck in places he couldn't reach. 

 

_"I am not your friend. I am not anything to you!"_

 

Slaine's voice echoed in Inaho's mind, the cold and forbidding eyes glaring down at him, as if he was nothing but trash that dirtied his feet.

 

_"You are just an annoyance to me,"_

 

And suddenly, he felt cold. It was as if ice was trickling down his cheeks and arms, and it made Inaho fall back to heavy, present reality. He was quick to step out from the falling water, reaching to the faucet and turning the handle to turn it off. Had he really taken so long as to run out of hot water? He hadn't even washed off yet, but now, he saw no point in doing so as he refused to sit in frigid water just to scrub down. 

 

Stepping from the shower, Inaho reached to the rack, where a pure white towel hung, only to he ripped down by pruned hands and thrown over his dripping brown locks that hung from his head. In the moment, he denied himself to think, to dream, to calculate, to remember, or even use his attentiveness, knowing he'd only get stuck, on more than the ashen blonde himself, but the idea that the flowers were only because  **he let himself fall.**

 

He couldn't connect to this sentiment, and he didn't want to give these responses to whatever the hell all of it was. Inaho didn't like it, and yet, he wanted more - as much as he could possibly take, as he was greedy and selfish to his very own desires..

 

The brunette was only hurting himself, and it was starting to show. Bruises on his chest and and legs from beating on himself, and making scratches that broke the skin and once bled were right at his shoulders; they were all marks that weren't all that hard to hide when it came down to it, yet he was doing it to himself. 

 

It was punishment, as the flowers that came up from his throat weren't enough to show his stupidity of his choices, making the friends he didn't mean to have. He was weak, and he was simply showing himself, believing he, Inaho Kaizuka, was the antagonist to his own love story. 

 

A love story he couldn't put together. 


End file.
